I Hate Dogs and I Am Not a Horrible Human Being

Cat Door

If you have pet with a little access door to the outside world, and that pet happens to be a cat, you're likely on the receiving end of all kinds of lifeless little lagniappes. Don't worry, it's CES season out in Las Vegas and a company called Flappie has the solution — an AI-powered cat door that rejects dead mice and other would-be offerings.

Image by Nathan Ingraham via Engadget

It works about like you might expect — there's a motion sensor and a night-vision camera on the exterior side of the door. Using Flappie's "unique and proprietary" dataset, the door distinguishes between Tom and Jerry and keeps out unwanted guests with more than 90% accuracy. To do this, Flappie collected video of a lot of cats and prey in a variety of lighting conditions. There's even a chip detection system that will reject all other cats.

Thankfully, it's not all automation. The prey detection system can be turned off entirely, and there are manual switches on the inside for locking and unlocking the door at will. You don't even have to hook it up to the Internet, it seems.

Americans will have to wait a while, as the company is rolling out the door in Switzerland and Germany first. No word on when the US launch will take place, but interested parties can expect to pay around $399.

Of course, this problem can be solved without AI as long as you're willing to review the situation and unlock the door yourself.

What Is The 'Cat Distribution System' And How Do You Get Chosen?

The Cat Distribution System meme is the name the internet has collectively given to the phenomenon of finding cats and having them invade your life. It is particularly popular on TikTok where people often share videos of randomly encountering a needy kitten or feral cat who quickly becomes a new family member.

@madison.Feaster We have welcomed Chompers to the family ❤️ #catdistributionsystem ♬ original sound – madison.Feaster

In the comments of these videos, you'll see TikTok users mention the System a lot, excited to see it strike yet again. A cat walks up to you in the park? Cat Distribution System. A kitten meowing in the engine of your car? Cat Distribution System. Kitty scratching at the door? Cat Distribution System. It always happens when you least expect it.

What is the Cat Distribution System?

The idea is that there is a random generator somewhere that systematically distributes cats to people who need them. Or to people who don't need them, but want them anyway. Or to people who don't want them or need them and yet somehow end up with a new cat anyway who they begrudgingly fall in love with. You don't choose the cat. The cat chooses you.

It is believed, according to The Wildest, that the meme originated in November 2022 in a TikTok from @hermes.The.Cynic, who described the system and said, "You'll just be like going to work, you'll take a break, and you'll go outside, and there's a kitten in a bush. Now, that's your kitten."

@hermes.The.Cynic Checkmate atheists #atheism #spirituality #kittensoftiktok #kitty #cats ♬ original sound – Hermes the Cynic Is the Cat Distribution System real? 

At this point, the "realness" of the Cat Distribution System is a theological question. Is there some order to the universe? A higher intelligence who guides us or who at least sets in place certain orders that naturally go through their motions, leading us towards some future destiny we can't conceive of? Maybe. In which case, who gets a cat and when they get the cat might be a part of the grand code of life.

But, if you're more of an atheist, it is probably easier to say no, it's not real. People find cats all the time. They keep them all the time. Only now we can see those stories get traction on social media and it creates the illusion that everyone is a part of a larger pattern. If anything, that might be about the magic of cats. They know how to make you fall in love with them.

Whether or not a System is in place, people do seem very happy to be chosen. Plus, it's nice to see kitties get a good home. Adopt, don't shop! Spay and neuter your pets! Here are some TikToks of the wonderful moment somebody was chosen and a few shots of the kitties involved.

@legclemency He's here to lead me on a quest I just know it #catdistributionsystem #farmcat #catsoftiktok #blackcats #bookish #fantasy ♬ original sound – Lowcountry Clemency @legclemency @lunaandmuffin cat distribution system chose me fr #cats #catsoftiktok #catdistributionsystem #kitten #kittensoftiktok #cute #fyp ♬ fish in the pool・花屋敷 – ヘクとパスカル @lunaandmuffin @moonfvxx Can't believe we got picked for the Cat distribution system 😭 We decided to name him citrus 🍊#dallas #straycat #rescuecat #catdistributionsystem ♬ Je te laisserai des mots – Patrick Watson @moonfvxx @geronimo4x When your life is in chaos and the cat distrbution system says "heres a kitty" #kitty #cat #rescue #catrescue #catdistributionsystem #kitten #kittenrescue #rescue #animal #animalrescue #tiktok #animals #animal_category_mu #catsoftiktok #kittensoftiktok ♬ original sound – Samantha 🧚🏼 @geronimo4x @bbebecitaaa0 THE CAT Distribution System. Chose Me!!! 💗😭🐈‍⬛ #catdistributionsystem ♬ original sound – ooodaaalis &lt3 @bbebecitaaa0 More cat memes:

Tabby Cat Alerts Owners Of Garage Fire, Only One Suffered Minor Injuries

The evening of July 10 was a regular night for Alachua County residents Ann and Rick Lyons. Rick Lyons was sound asleep while Ann Lyons was trying to wind down with their four cats around 2 a.M.

After giving up an attempt to sleep, Ann Lyons entered the living room where their tabby cat Annie was passed out on her blanket.

"She was still sleeping right where I had been [in the living room.] I had not been there five minutes and all of a sudden she woke up, jumped off the couch, ran across the room and started crying this horrible cry," Lyons said.

Ann Lyons initially thought someone was breaking in until she approached the cat door and could see into the garage.

"I could see flames through the cat door," said Lyons.

She ran through the house screaming for Rick Lyons, telling him the house was on fire. He then went into "house-saving mode" as Ann Lyons ran out the front door to call 911.

"I slung my CPAP off my face and ran to the laundry room in my black underwear to see my car on fire. The flame was from the floor all the way to the ceiling," Rick Lyons said.

He opened the garage door and fetched his long garden hose from behind the house, which is on Northwest 59th Drive east of the city of Alachua. Rick Lyons made multiple trips back and forth to put out the fire, saving the house from the possibility of more damage.

Rick Lyons received some burns to the bottom of his feet, his hand and his arm thanks to the metal shrapnel from the car but is recovering just fine.

Soon after, multiple fire rescue teams attended the incident, taking care of the excessive smoke and trying to find the cause.

The fire inspector and fire departments believe it was a faulty refrigerator, one the Lyons bought less than a month ago.

The Lyons are now staying in a family member's RV behind the garage, while the house is rid of all the smoke damage and odor.

"We should be able to go in the house around noon tomorrow," said Rick Lyons.

Ann Lyons calls Annie her "hero cat." It's a miracle the cat made a noise and Ann Lyons heard her.

"I don't hear well so I wear hearing aids. I didn't have those in because I was trying to go to bed," said Ann Lyons. "All the cats normally run and hide from noises. They're scared of everything. Even him [Rick Lyons.]"

The Lyons are grateful no further damage was done to their home and say the event is "traumatizing" but know it could've been much worse.

---